I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that you have invested so much and now you can’t stand to think that you might break up. But should you? What brought you to the point to even contemplate it. Was it something unforgivable? Did they cheat? Did they say something that put you in a dark place? The mind will wander and tell you so many things. You will question yourself. You will call yourself names and even think you are going crazy! The truth is, sometimes you just need some guidance.
That is why I have prepared a should we break up quiz. This quiz was designed to help you two figure out what the hell to do. Should you continue on? Should you leave? In the end the option is up to you.
The first thing…
Take some time to yourself. Don’t do anything crazy. Think about your relationship after stepping away a bit. Take a long walk get out of your head. If you are stewing in this it will only cause you to make the wrong decision. When you are clear headed and ready to think about things, think about the essence of the relationship. Does it make you feel generally happy or good?
Why Do People Break Up?
#1 Reason Relationships Fail Is Because the One Partner Doesn’t Feel Heard In The Relationship
This can come in a variety of flavors relating to communication. Most people don’t feel heard in their relationship when they can’t convey their message and the other partner just gives the recognition that they understand and the message was received. Too many times one of the people in a relationship will have to dance around topics or feel they are walking on egg shells because of fear for reactions from the other. This is no way to live in a relationship. In fact it is very toxic. Anyone should be able to communicate their needs and desires in a solid loving relationship.
#2 Sexless Marriage
It may come as a shock to many but there are couples who have let the intimacy dry up. They become overly focused on careers and kids to have fun in the bedroom. Maybe they end up just resenting each other over time. Regardless of what reason they choose not to have sex. If one partner tries over and over to initiate sex and gets rejected, it is pretty certain that breaking up is on the horizon for this sexless marriage.
Always use intimacy as a temperature gauge to how your relationship is doing. Sure there are understandable bouts of time when sex is just not possible due to being apart for work or school or a newborn. You have to think about the average. How much are you guys doing it? Is the bedroom fun pronounced dead?
#3 Financial Strain
This is another popular reason that people break up. Finances can be a strong determining factor. Every person in this world has an idea of what they feel is comfortable and secure. Some people like to charge up their credit cards and live check by check, while others like to save and invest money. Each person has their own style playing with money. The problem happens when there is a huge mismatch. A broke dude planning to have a baby and marry but who spends his money like a 16-year-old with their first job. Probably isn’t the best match for a woman who prefers to be frugal. A long-term couple that constantly argues over spending money is on the break up track. You just can’t survive when the mismatch of finances is too great.
Unfortunately, this is common as well. It might be emotional cheating. He or she might be texting with someone at work and all of a sudden they are spending longer days “out”. Although, it is possible to work through this with the right counseling and commitment. Most people just break up. I know I would if my trust was betrayed.
Why do people cheat anyway? I would say it is they are craving something outside the relationship but at the same time like the comfort and security a relationship offers. So what does that leave? Trying to eat your cake and have it too.
If your partner is a liar, break up! Seriously, chronic lying is a major red flag. How can you build something with someone who can’t tell to the truth? You would constantly be second guessing them and afterall, you two are supposed to be partners. A team! You can’t trust a partner who is lying to your face. You also can’t build a foundation on shaky ground.
#6 Lack of commitment
Your lover isn’t “in it”. This is especially true for long distance relationships. What is their effort level like to making things grow and flourish? A lack of commitment is someone who opts out when the going gets tough. The first few walls that the relationship hits, this person is unsure of whether they want to continue and get through the shit.
There you have it. The common reasons why people break up in a relationship. Are some if not all of these repairable? Absolutely with the right approach. Two people who are deeply committed can make mistake and screw things up. That is a part of having a solid relationship. If you haven’t already, take the Should We Break Up Quiz.